what can i say WOOHOO
now on to the REAL post
because I've been rather depressed lately I'm going to make a rather sad/depressed story, I DO have an idea, It goes with my life story say maybe a documentary about my self ;), I've had a dream almost EXACTLY like this with full detail and everything,
so here is a tid bit ;)
P.S. anything thats said about the main character (me) is true.
It had been a rather bad day, in fact, a terrible one, but he was used to it, most all days were like this for him, but today would be different, the fates had something planned for him.
It was a gloomy day, the weather was terrible, rainy and grey, but he loved it. Extremes seemed to be his thing, blazing hot for beaches and parties, freezing cold for hot cocoa and snowboarding, but today was plain old rain, simple yet elegant, it was about six thirty and he had just finished hanging out with his friends, as it's said, grade eight was a time for such things.
He had lost track of himself, he didn't want to exist, school and friends had been treating him that badly, and he was lost in such thought, that he failed to see the teen and his hotrod racing down the hill, it happened so fast he didn't even notice, he was rushed to the hospital in an ambulance that wasn't even supposed to be on duty, that fact had saved his life, he was badly injured, a fractured leg, a dislocated shoulder and his other arm broken, it was a miracle that he was alive, he had however suffered a rather bad concussion, one which would put him in a coma for three years.
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Aww... how sad! ;)
ReplyDeleteI like how you write. Your sentences are nice and lengthy, and you started off with a very nice introduction. The only thing I saw that could really be improved was the fact that you used a lot of "comma splices." It's when two sentences are seperated by commas instead of periods. They shouldn't be together, but they are.
Here's an example. How about instead of this:
It had been a rather bad day, in fact, a terrible one, but he was used to it, most all days were like this for him, but today would be different, the fates had something planned for him.
Try this:
It had been a rather bad day. In fact, a terrible one, but he was used to it. Most all days were like this for him, but today would be different. The fates had something planned for him.
Just a friendly tip! :)
thx, i'm in constant search of new ways to write and improvement so honestly, thank you. ;)
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